Everything is over. I made my boldest decision ever in my life while at the same time being the most foolish decision.
I told him everything.
I suppose he must look down upon me now and, perhaps, have a terrible aversion toward me. I feel so ashamed for myself and feel sorry to mama——yeah, if she knew everything happened here she would be positively eager to know what has come over my head on earth?! How can an educated young lady have no idea about her disgracefulness yet didn’t feel ashamed for herself at all?! Yes, it seemed not my way. What a proud and self-centered person I was before. If the incident occurred two months earlier I would mocked terribly at the amorous student undoubtedly. But it’s not to be mentioned in the same breathe right now.
Back to my topic, I simply don’t know how to face him from now on, I am not unmindful that he probably will “turn me down”(I really don’t know which word or phrase will be fit here.) But I didn’t expect myself to be so effeminate that I can hardly sustain myself to accept the reality. Mr. Carroll is right; I shall sever myself from him at the very beginning of the craziness.
However, I do not regret. It is just a thing that happened at my wrong age and wrong place and perhaps, with my MR.WRONG. Is that possible? Not in a chance. I assure myself as well as those my fellow friends who have been concerning about it from the beginning till now: he is my mr.right. The problem is just that I am not his mrs.right.
The furthest distance in the world
Is not between life and death
But when I stand in front of you
Yet you don't know that I love you
The furthest distance in the world
Is not when I stand in font of you
Yet you can't see my love
But when undoubtedly knowing the love from both
Yet cannot be together
The furthest distance in the world
Is not being apart while being in love
But when plainly can not resist the yearning
Yet pretending you have never been in my heart
The furthest distance in the world
Is not when plainly can not resist the yearning
Yet pretending you have never been in my heart
But using one's indifferent heart
To dig an uncross able river
For the one who loves you
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