不诉离殇

I got sleepless for the whole last night.

He used to send me short messages at mid-night around 11 o’clock. I was about to fall asleep when my ceil phone suddenly rang. It was him, to inform me that he had sent me an email just now.

I found myself have so many words to tell him but as I mentioned in “difficult to say”, I became so clumsy when it comes for me to be face to face with him. But last night seemed to be an exception. I was a little emotional and almost unburdened myself to him but finally ,again, managed to swallowed my words back ’cause I know I shouldn’t .then I turn the idea in my mind over and over and can’t go to sleep again.

I made a hundreds time’s decision to forget him but simply can’t get rid of his charming look off my mind. Once one of my friend persuaded me to delete all my diaries and forget everything and I did so——for a whole day and night .

It shouldn’t happen,this a matter of principle .but the problem is what shall I do once it happened ? personally I think perhaps I ’d better keep it for secret forever. However, when it gave me a unbearable repression I try to find somewhere to take a load off my mind. I can’t tell my classmates or anybody here in the campus not even to say ask for advice of my mama, and that make me feel sort of helpless. I’ve never got myself in such a mess!

Besides, I wonder (or rather worried)what will be his reflection after he read all my secrets? Quite probably he will keep an arm’s length from me from then on because no one would like to get himself into such a terrible error. And suppose youself stand in his shoes, yeah maybe my oral E is a little better than my fellow classmates but never good enough to talk about stuffs like “love”.will you accept such a childish while being ignorant of her ignorance girl? I won’t.

Anyway it is just a ridiculous and absurd stardust impossible.