梦未央

severl days ago,B asked me to go to China export trade fair and try our luck to find a job of interpretor. I agreed and decided to go there with her on saturday , the first day of the Fair. yesterday she told me a boy from our province who she recognized in the japanese class said he would also go and find a job there. and at last they agreed that we three went there together.
i just want to have a look there, how tremendous the fair is,and how many peopel there, interpretor,businessmen and purchasers. i even think that i will so lucky and find a job at the first day, a just want to have a look.but B ,she really quite wants to get it.
today, when i was having my translation class,she sent me a short message said that the boy asked whether we could set out on thursday at 8:30.i didn't reply on her instantaneously,for the teacher was just beside me. and then severl minites later she sent me another short message, i took out my mobile phone and what on the screen is :"we are waiting for your answers!!!" i noticed that there are three excalmatory marks. i answered the message and said:"should i make the determination at once? it's not convenience for me to send short message."
when the teacher went away, i sent her another message,"is the time ok to you two? i just don't know how to skip class."the next i received is "i will ask for a leave, so what about you?"
i did't reply on her untill the class was over. when i was in the school library,i sent message to her immediately, and said:"can the time be made at 9:30, i have a key course tomorrow morning,and it's a little difficult for me to skip it."and the followed messages made me very uncomfortable. she said:"we had already decided it"and"i also have classes tomorrow morning,go with us or not is depended on you."
may be in others' mind ,these two messages is so common, but in my mind it's not.she asked me to go with her, and i'm her companion.but when she found another one,she just say me as you,but say the boy as us, it becomes i go with they two. and i can feel the emotion in her sentence that whatever i think about and whether i can skip the class she doesn't care,she just will go.
i'm such a person who can be easly disturbed, i even don't know how to answer her question and couldn't concentrate on my work any more.fragile friendship,i did't reply the message she would plus three excalmatory marks in the next one and never think about what i am doing and whether i am convenience to answer the message.she just cared about herself and if she finds another more suitable person to compaion her, she just will put me aside, i realize it.
however, i need friendship, my life is so lonely.i just want someone to stand by my side.i have thought to say what i think out, but i give up.if the friendship is not deeply enought, if something is said out, many things would be changed, the feelings, the distance,maybe even the friendship.considering such things, i send her a message and said :"ok, i will go with you and we can go to have breakfast together.if there are some other things should be changed,you to decide it , i know you take it very serious." i don't know whether she can understand what i said and make sense what i meant.
i think i have dealed this event very well.

Ps : 那一刻，我发现，我们的友谊是易碎的，或许根本就称不上友谊，经常在一起的日子也只不过从国庆开始而以，我又能奢求什么呢？
我知道，当她发现有一个更适合的人陪伴的时候，她会马上放开我的手的，她不可能为我的感觉去放弃什么。
我想，我的感觉太容易受伤了，
“我们已经决定了”
“那我就逃吧，就剩下这一条路了。”
“你跟不跟我们一起去自己决定。”
three persons'friendship is nothing.谚语说一句有一句，到最后，我只能被动地接受他们的决定，被动地被问及“去与不去你自己决定。”这就是我突然间发现的易碎的友情。
易碎的友情，我知道这样的事情还会继续发生的，只要我们的relationship继续下去，而我会把这份想法埋在心底，很多事情是不能说清楚的，当友情不是很深的时候。。。。
是不是就因为这样，才让我觉得，我的周围太缺少朋友，或许是我把友情的标准定得太高了，让所有的人都一步一步地远离了我？但我还是决定去抓住，这些易碎的友情。