一潞 銄諵 ◇

i think i am getting kind of desperate...this sucks.
whenever i see other couples holding hands in orchard, i dont feel good..not gd at all..
i dont really hate them....just ..dislike them...
apparently, i noe, its sth called 'jealousy' tat masses my mind and underneath its 'loneliness'

i am kind of confused..i noe i miss sth down there in my heart...deeply..
but i am not sure what it it...i cannot firmly say "i miss jie, she is all i need." any more..
i start asking myself..am i missing really missing jie..or i just still cannot get out of the life i had back there...or..even worse..its just some..desire..

jie really loves me now..i noe tat...i can tell from what she talls me in her phone calls everyday..
well..at least she loves me..

..i love her still..but distance does matter..

it is a problem tat we cannot solve..

people always say tat 'if ur hearts are close to each other, distance does not matter'
but u noe what..

even ur hearts are clost to each other, its not gonna save u when u need someone close as a company to go out in a sunny afternoon..its not gonna save u when u r really weak and feel like pouring out all the pain and troubles in my mind to someone late at night..its not gonna help u, even when u r just happy and feel like sharing all ur happiness to someone u love..

all these little little things matter..then really do..



but i am still mature enough to handle all these sentimental stuff, i guess?
i hope so..if not..i shall learn my lesson in da future,probably after making a decision that will makes me regret..
if its realy to happen, let it happen early..so i can love better, longer..