There and Therefore

Fourteen years. It was far too short.
I missed you by fourteen years.
I tried to retrieve my future by erasing
the time, again and again and again.
Fluorescent numbers on the calendar
reminding me of the distance between us.
You are back today.

Pointless to keep writing. No good.
I type one word, and delete it.
You will not be able to see it anyway
so let me stop, please please please.
Freezing warmth lingering on my palm
condensing the air to become soluble in tears.
I have lost something.

It does not matter if I can’t be yours.
You did not promise me anything.
But if I think you did, I will always have the reason
to keep the promise, forever and ever and ever.
I am not expecting you to come. I am simply here
waiting for an electric current to enter the keyboard.
Don’t forget me.

My suitcase is overweight. The custom won’t let me in.
They don’t know what is really in it.
There is only one thing which contains everything
essential to keep me alive, deeply deeply deeply.
I will not have it back on my arrival, except you
come to the airport, bringing another piece of red paper.
Tell me if I’ve done anything wrong.

The plane is delayed. The airline has no explanation.
It’s because of the fear of uncertainty.
Now I need your soothing voice to reassure me
nothing will happen. It’s fine, fine, fine.
Then, with the guard of your arms, a sense of
security will rescue me from my anxiety and paranoia.
You make my ultimate arrival.

I can remember everything that hasn’t happened yet
when I’ve forgotten the act of forgetting.
Tomorrow never comes. Even the past is existing
in the present. No regret, sorry sorry sorry.
Eventually I am here. Yawning, with my nerves
relaxed in confusion, hearing my memories’ whisper:
“I am here, too.”